Blog

Valentines day

Kevin Barnes - Sunday, June 05, 2011

This lovely message was sent to me by a very dear friend and I thought I would share it with you .............. Valentine's Day... full of nonsensical hype? A marketing ploy? A day to make the singles feel more lonely and couples feel like their relationship is less than ideal? Maybe, maybe not. It IS a day when we can remember to let people we care about know that they are special to us. So, no matter who else may let you know that they appreciate you being on the planet today, please have this heart message from me. It says: You are special, I appreciate you and my life is a nicer experience because you are in it. Enjoy your day!

Trust

Kevin Barnes - Sunday, June 05, 2011

What is Trust?

Trust can mean many things to many people and it is because of this, that there is so much confusion around trust and the expectations of those involved in relationships, be they intimate, family, work place or social.

Trust in a Relationship

In one of our Relationship Units, Paul Blackburn of Beyond Success says, not telling the truth in a relationship is like not watering a plant – you are killing something that was once alive and growing, the inevitable result of holding back the truth from someone you care for is that you end up holding back the love as well.  You simply cannot suppress the negative feelings and expect the positive emotions to remain lively and you certainly can’t expect to grow in love if you can’t feel and express your feelings.

There are four warning signs in every relationship that signal that the emotional connection is weakening, and you are proceeding rapidly toward the loss of love in that relationship.  These are the inevitable consequences of not telling the complete truth.  We call them the ‘Four Rs’: Resistance; Resentment; Rejection; and Repression.

Resistance.  Resistance occurs when you partner says something or they do something or forget to do something and it bugs you and brings up uncomfortable feelings.  You might feel frustrated, disappointed because you expected something and they didn’t deliver, or maybe you made a mistake and you are worried about their reaction.

Resentment. Resentment is an intense dislike of the other person for what they are doing.  You just start having these negative feelings about them, in the beginning you used to love them. When we feel resentful, generally a part of us is feeling we are giving more than we are getting.

Rejection. Rejection occurs when so much resistance and resentment builds up that it is impossible for you to stay emotionally connected to the other person.

Repression. Repression is the most dangerous of the four stages – it occurs when you are so tired of resisting, resenting and rejecting that suddenly you successfully repress all your negative emotions to keep the peace.

 

To find out more about the significance and results of the 4 R’s contact us for a more in depth explanation.

 

 

Trust in Yourself

According to Paul Blackburn in one of the units we conduct on Self Esteem, many people feel that the greatest block to their success is the inability to believe in themselves.  We often overlook our strengths and focus on our limitations.  We concentrate on negative attitudes formulated in our early years.  The following statistics outlined by Dr Shad Helmsetter tell us the story: “During the first 18 years of our lives, if we grew up in fairly average, reasonably positive homes, we were told ‘no’ on what we could not do, more than 148,000 times.  If you were a little more fortunate, you may have been told ‘no’ only 100,000 times, or 50,000 times – however many, it was considerably more negative programming than any of us needs.”

He went on to say, although much of the negative programming was well intentioned, behavioral researchers have told us that as much as 75% of everything we think is negative, counterproductive and works against us.  It’s no wonder. We need to trust our selves. Firstly, by never comparing ourselves, our achievements or our abilities to others, because we have no idea of what their journey was that led to their current position.

Trust also comes from living your truth, being true to yourself and following your dreams, morals, beliefs and ethics. One of the ways we help our clients is to keep a journal (success journal). This is a reminder of all the GREAT things that happen in their lives that would otherwise get forgotten. The little things like when the lights stay green all the way to your destination, like finding a car park exactly where you wanted one, like when you get that job or task done and it made you feel good. These are thing we SHOULD focus on that will allow us to trust ourselves, however, because of our cultural upbringing, often we focus on the negatives too much. This then leads to a feeling of overwhelm. Like “everything is always going wrong”,  “why does this always happen to me” & “I knew that would happen” sound familiar? Once we staryt to trust ourselves and our abilities, it’s amazing how “lucky” we become. Remember “if you believe you can or you believe you can’t, your right!”

Kevin Barnes. For more information on Trust and Self Esteem, contact Absolute Success

Perseverance

Kevin Barnes - Sunday, June 05, 2011

Perseverance is a funny thing, its definition in the dictionary is: “steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement”.

Or: Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.  ~Newt Gingrich

My definition is: “Perseverance is the energy that comes from having focus toward a clearly defined goal which has been set with clarity, commitment and emotion”. In other words, when we have something we want to achieve, and that something has an emotional attachment (the feeling you get when you think about what it is you want i.e. excitement, butterflies, nervousness etc) it is this energy that gets us through to the end, and it doesn’t seem as hard as we thought it would be.

It is quite timely to consider what perseverance means to you and how you use it. As it is the middle of the year, a time when we should be taking stock of how we are travelling in regards to the goals and aspirations we had at the start of the year. We can re-assess if the things that where important 6 or 12 months ago are still relevant and re-set new goals to reflect the achievements made to date.

Remember that goals are just hopes and dreams written down so that we have something to focus on and refer to when we get distracted by life.The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places”. Procrastination is what happens to you when your goals are not clear enough or you are not emotionally involved in what it is you want.

When I am coaching my clients in the routine of reaching their 1 month, 3 month, 6 month and yearly goals, keeping a positive outlook and frame of mind is imperative. Exercise, healthy eating, adequate sleep, personal time and regularly referring to your written dreams are all factors in maintaining focus.

If you are struggling with procrastination, don’t be too hard on yourself; just accept that this is your minds way of telling you that you are a little lost in direction at the moment. The good news is that, hey! At least you know why you are not as energised as you would like to be, All you need to do now is look at what it is you are trying to achieve and get some feeling into it.!!! Good luck

If you would like to discuss any issues please feel free to email me any time.